Five years ago, in February of 2013, my life changed. I had gotten out of a relationship with someone whom I thought I was destined to marry, only for my world to come crashing down with the reality that he most definitely was not the person I was meant to be with. Through prayer, tears, & Godly counsel, God revealed to me that He had other plans. While I was heartbroken, I had faith that God was good and His plans were better than mine even though I couldn’t yet see it. I knew that he was working behind the scenes, and I had faith that it was all going to work out.
After that breakup, I made a vow to myself and God that I would remain single for an entire year, focusing on nothing but my relationship with God. I had no idea what my future held, but I was content with where God was leading me and followed with reckless abandon. A few months into this season, I quickly realized how lonely and invisible I felt. Everyone around me was getting into relationships left and right and no one it seemed even batted an eye at me. I was ashamed. I thought “am I just not pretty enough?” I didn’t understand why I felt so unattractive. But, regardless of how I was currently feeling, I stuck to my guns and remained single–totally unaware of what God was doing behind the scenes for me. My faith continued to be grounded in God, in spite of what I was feeling.
After a while, I became completely content with my singleness and who I was. I was okay with the fact that if God called me to a life of singleness, and I never got married, I could still serve him and be happy without being married. That point was a game changer for me, and even now I still wholeheartedly believe it. Our relationship status doesn’t define us. We can still serve God and be happy no matter what our marital status is. We have to have faith that God isn’t out to get us, but that He just wants us. All of us.
During that year, my faith in and relationship with God grew by leaps and bounds and He grew me as a person. He prepared my heart in so many different ways for the things I would face in the future. I remember being at a laser tag game with a group from our college ministry BCM during my year of singleness, and getting butterflies for my now husband when he started talking to me and mentally telling myself “no! you made a commitment!”. That was the first time I had feelings for him. Just to show you how much God cares about the details and about you, here is why I know that to be true.
Exactly a year to the day from when that heartbreak happened, I started to develop a relationship with my now husband (To read that story, you can find it here). I didn’t know at the time that we would get married, but it was so clear that God was in everything. Through the promise that I made to God to remain single for a year and pursue Him without trying to pursue a relationship, He was faithful. I had faith in the waiting that God would give me the desire of my heart, but didn’t know when.
Hear me out, I am in no way saying that you will find your husband by remaining single for a year like I did. I am saying, however, that God is faithful and He loves us. He knows the desires of our hearts. My choice to remain single for a year and run hard after Christ to deepen my relationship with Him instead of being distracted by relationships was just the avenue that God used for me. It may not look the same for you, but that doesn’t mean you should stop.
My husband and I began dating in February of 2014 after prayer and getting to know each other better. Two months into the relationship, God confirmed in my heart that this man was going to be my husband. I had never felt a peace like I felt then. God was so faithful, and I am so glad that He gave me the strength and faith to trust His plan and timing.
Being single is a hard road to walk sometimes. It is not easy, but neither is being married. Both of these paths require sacrifice, just in different ways. I believe that singleness and marriage are both blessings, and both are ways that God uses us.
It was not easy for me, walking the road of waiting. There were days where I was in complete tears and distress, feeling like God was going to keep me single when my heart desired to be married. There were many days where I was tempted to break the promise I had made to remain single because I was scared and lonely. It’s not easy at all. It’s hard and emotional and scary but also worth it.
I am so thankful for that time because God showed me so much about myself and who He is that I wouldn’t have otherwise known without it. In a lot of ways, being single actually prepared me for marriage. It taught me about responsibility, it helped me with decision making skills, it developed in me a deeper trust–one that marriage requires–and so many other things. If you are single, know that your waiting is not in vain and that God is continuing to develop you in ways you can’t possibly begin to imagine.
If you are thinking “you make this sound so easy”, trust me when I say it’s not easy, friend. My words mean little unless you’ve been there and experienced it firsthand. But trust this: You are not broken and God can and will still use you–spouse or not. Have faith in the waiting, in God, and in this process and that in time God will fulfill His promise to you–He will give you the desires of your heart.